I need advice.

"Rainbow" (rainbeaux) 11/21/2013 at 17:55 • Filed to: None

2

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There's a very, very good chance I'm not going to finish college. This is the first time I've ever been able to make myself type that out, actually. I guess I'm just now coming to terms with it.
The other day I was seeing a counselor about just having a generally shitty mood almost 24/7, and I honestly don't remember much of the details except that I noticed HIS eyes starting to water a little bit because he just felt so bad for me. And at one point he asked, "Do you like school?" and I never actually answered because he definitely hit on something there... I've gone my whole life being told by everyone that college is the only option if I don't want to be a complete failure. I've sat and watched as my family abandoned vacations, cut allowances, and severely lowered the amount of Christmas presents my sister and I got one year after my dad was laid off and we were stuck supporting four people on just a high school teacher's salary. Which is probably also a significant thing, the fact that my mom is a teacher. I just don't know what I'm doing. For my whole life, short as it has been these past 19 years, I've just been taught that no one really means it when they say that money isn't everything, and if I want to have enough money to be remotely content in life, I have to stay in school until there's no more school left to take. I've been told that I should do what I like, too, and until very recently I assumed that it was engineering. I was also very torn between that and writing, or some sort of art. In other words, I had no idea what I wanted to do and I still don't.
When I asked !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , I kind of lied about my intentions. Sure it would be fun just for a while if I had any better plans, but really I was just trying to weigh my options for what I'll do next. I realize that actually enjoying myself is more important than having money, so I've just been seeing how little I can survive on while actually doing something somewhat enjoyable. Before graduating high school, when everyone was signing the banner and writing their college/career plans, I jokingly put that I was going to be a hobo and live in a VW Microbus. I never would have guessed that that would become a serious option.
Another thing I shamefully considered is porn. I mean, it's pretty much the lowest form of acting, it doesn't matter what the guy looks like, it certainly pays well, and the only reason it's not more popular is that people actually have standards. Of course, I don't know the first thing about it so I don't even know why it ever came to mind, but the point is I have no fucking idea what I want to do with myself anymore.
Also, today I slept through a Calculus test and now I will fail no matter what. I think the same is true for all of my classes, not because I'm not smart enough (fun fact: the only IQ test I've taken wasn't good enough for me, because I got everything right. So all I know is it's at least 150) but because I just can't make myself do any of the work I'm supposed to do, even when I know that I need to and I hate myself for skipping it.
So yeah. I'm not even 19 yet, but on the other hand I'm almost 19 and have absolutely no idea what I want to do at all. Yes, I'm still young, but most people at least know what they like to do at a much younger age. I'm not even sure what makes me happy aside from exploring abandoned buildings and collecting Hot Wheels. And I don't think one can make a living by illegally trespassing and spending money on toys.
I don't even know what it is I want to ask you all. Everything I need to know is about myself, so no one can tell me what it is. I need to figure it out on my own and at this point I'm sure I can't do that...

Anyway, here. Have a Corolla that isn't poop:

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 17:59

0

Aw man, the feels. Right here. I dunno man, there are a few jobs that pay well without college, you just have to have the right skills. Look up Elevator repair, they make loads of dosh.

GhostZ > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:00

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School doesn't equal money, its security.

There are a million schmucks in the world, you can make enough money to do anything you want without a single class. But classes are important to give yourself and others security that you'll be able to deliver on your deals.

Hell, you can learn more from the internet than in proper schooling.

N/A POWAAAHH > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:03

0

You just need to find what you love to do. But remember, success only comes to those who go out and make it happen. I know how you feel, I'm 18 too, and so far, I think I've done ok despite my circumstances..

JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7 > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:04

0

Wow, you sound a ton like me. In fact, a lot of us students on Oppo have the same problems. I can't make a response now, but I'll have one later— so I guess this reply is utterly pointless.

Gamecat235 > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:04

2

I don't have time to completely give all of my advice, but from someone who didn't complete college and is now in his late 30's, let me summarize it thusly. Get The Damn Piece Of Paper if you can afford it and it won't bankrupt you in the long run. It makes a difference. It might not seem like in the short term, but long term? It definitely will.

Is Calc hard, or just boring? So engineering isn't your bag? That's fine. Unless you are going to switch to a creative writing degree, stick with it. Everyone goes through this. I took the jump out because of job opportunities and a need for money at the time to help support my family (was married, had a small child, money was a real priority). I won't say I regret this decision, because at the time it was the right one, but it's taken me to a point where going back to school is nearly impossible. And I made those decisions to get here. And I am willing to live with them, and own them.

Make sure that you can say the same. Take a day or two and REALLY think about it. I still don't know what I want to be, but I'm doing it pretty damn well. It can be done, but there are hurdles EVERYWHERE when you don't have a degree, and a lot of doors just aren't even open. You have to work harder, you have to prove more, and people still judge even after that. I know.

ddavidn > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:08

4

I can't add much, here, but I can say that at 19, I've never known anyone that knew what they wanted to do with their life. I knew I wanted to work on computers, so I went to school for that. Never finished the school, but have had two jobs that were a lot better than working at mcdonalds and freelanced for a year. I would be in the same place now had I not gone to any school, but it was still a decent community college experience. However, I realized over the last few years (I'm almost 25) that I don't want to work with computers forever. I like cars and coffee and stuff way better. So, you'll probably always be changing your mind about what you want to do. I'm not going to offer any real advice, but I've always subscribed to the idea that you shouldn't work hard at doing something that doesn't make you happy or lead to you being happy. My wife worked hard, went to four years of college, got her Bachelor's in Psychology from Western, and hasn't had a job in two years. I know I have been limited in choices by not having a degree, though. Wish I could go back now. There are a lot of great state jobs I couldn't get if I wanted them because I don't have a degree.

Don't do porn, that's nasty. Might seem like an "easy way out" but it's going to hurt you in the long run. Easy ways out normally do.

If I think of something helpful to say, I'll add it later... Good luck, man.

Edit: Oh, and listen to the older folks on here. But seriously. Don't listen to kids like me that have the same feelings you do. Listen to the guys who have been through it and worked themselves into a satisfactory life.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:09

4

As someone in the same age group who has felt the exact same way, please talk to someone. Let your parents know how you feel. Don't just mention it off-handedly, sit them down and tell them exactly what you just typed. It doesn't matter about their financial situation, their child is in need and they'll be understanding and accepting. From there you can make a plan.

Finish this semester, and then take a year off from school. Don't completely disregard finishing, but just take a break. Deliver pizzas, work construction, something to generate income while you figure out what your next move is. You're having a crisis, and it's not something that you'll be able to figure out overnight, or by next week. Maybe you'll decide college isn't for you. In that case, seek out trade schools or other jobs that don't require a degree. Network. Ask friends, family, co-workers if they know someone in a field you'd be interested in. Most businesses wouldn't mind having a kid tag along for a day or two shadowing a worker to get a feel for the job.

And whatever you do, please, never ever give up. Life is hard, but it's supposed to be. Years from now you'll look back on this problem with a smile and think, "I can't believe I thought it was such a big deal." You're going to have to make some difficult decisions here in the near future, but in the end you will be better for it. You just have to trust yourself and do what you need to. We're all pulling for you, man, good luck.

davedave1111 > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:11

0

Bollocks to college. You don't need certificates to earn lots of money if you're bright. Not having a degree closes off some doors - you're not going to become a doctor, lawyer, or engineer by working your way up, for example - but there are plenty of other things you can do just fine to make money without one.

If you plan to start your own business as young as possible, then taking the time (and spending the money) to get a degree is quite possibly not a good idea.

If you spend the next three years working hard, you could be earning at least as much as you'd get as a starting salary when you come out of university - and in the mean-time you'll have earned money, not run up a student debt. Not long after that you'll have enough experience in whatever job it is that most employers won't look at your education. The ones who value any degree over proven ability and experience mostly aren't worth working for anyway.

The only thing I've ever regretted about skipping university is that I missed out on some easy student action - but then at that time I was getting plenty anyway, what with living in London and having plenty of cash from a job - and other social stuff like sports and clubs. Those aren't really good reasons to go to uni, though :)

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:12

5

Alright Rainbow, old guy talking here, so listen the fuck up, NOW!

You sound like you have a case of mild depression. So you are right, take some time off and do something until you feel you are in a better state of mind, but make that time count! I faced a similar situation and did something a little different from my friends that plowed straight through school. I would go to school for a year and then take a year off and work/travel. I pretty much got to see the world without having to join the military to do it. (I'm not putting the service down, it just wasn't for me, maybe it is for you, who knows?) The opportunities are out there if you look for them.

Another thing to remember is that your education should be more than just pounding the books for 4-6 more years after school. You have the rest of your life to work, and seeing as how there isn't too much of a social system remaining in this country, you probably will be working until you drop over dead, so...what's the rush, right? Never lose sight of attaining a degree though. It has made all the difference in my life.

Looking for a car you can sleep in isn't such a bad idea. I found myself living in a minivan at the end of one summer in Alaska and it was great! I have plenty of stories about the debauchery and random acts of stupidity that occurred in or near the party van that my friends that went straight through school and then married the first girl that would sleep with them, will never share. Whatever you decide to do, just be sure that you are learning from it otherwise, you're just spinning your wheels.

Your boy, BJR > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:16

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I just turned 20 and went through the EXACT same situation with the whole college thing. Honestly, I still don't know what to do, so in the meantime, I'm taking courses at the local community college, just to get credits up......who knows, if that doesn't do anything for you, sorry.

KB Garage > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:16

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I am probably the biggest opponent to meds of any kind, but I watched my younger cousin go through exactly what you're talking about. He went to a doc and got some meds and it completely changed him. We all watched him go from distant and uninterested to motivated and passionate. He's doing great.

Speaking as a manager, get your degree. You have no idea how many people work in a field unrelated to the degree they obtained. Just get one! It gives you an edge over everyone who doesn't have one; even those more qualified. It's worth it. Focus on the long term by setting short term goals. Good on ya for reaching out. Hope oppo helps.

KB Garage > KB Garage 11/21/2013 at 18:18

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Also, you've got a leg up over my cousin (and most of the population). Kid is dumb as a brick.

BiTurbo228 - Dr Frankenstein of Spitfires > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:22

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Bummer.

College is certainly one way to earn enough to be comfortable, but it's far from the only way. Failing will most likely feel pretty crap, but it's nowhere near the end of the world. People will most likely be irritated that an opportunity (and investment) has been wasted, but motivation is a tricky thing. Most people (including me) don't have a particularly great grasp of how it works.

If it helps, I wasn't in a particularly good state between the ages of 16 and 19ish. The words 'having a generally shitty mood almost 24/7' definitely ring a bell. For me, that sort of just passed. It's not as if it was easy in the slightest, but I can't pin down any one thing that made it turn.

However, something that certainly did help was getting a job. It wasn't glamourous in the slightest, particularly well paid, or even fun. I find people get hung up on trying to think about something they'd find fun as a job, and then go looking for that.

The job I got was home care for the elderly. It was a zero-hours contract, just as and when I was needed. As I said, not particularly glamourous or fun, but it was engaging. It's something that I could do that felt like it was worthwhile.

I outgrew it of course, but by that time I had some experience and a reasonable grasp of how I could influence the world around me for the better by just doing what came naturally; caring for people.

Klaus Schmoll > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:22

1

Been there!

Soldier on and it will get easier would be my advice. What are your subjects right now? You just started college, so maybe switching is still an option?

From what I can judge by your posts from the last couple of years, is that you truly are an intelligent kid, but there might also be some demons haunting you. Don't let them win!

Do you know the Simpson's episode wherein Homer discovers that he is only this daft because there are crayons still stuck in his brain? He has them removed, becomes "Lisa intelligent" and his life goes down the crapper. He then has another crayon put back to be stupid and happy again. If you don't know it, watch it!

Being dumb makes a lot of things easier, and makes happiness more attainable. You don't have that option (well there's always drugs, but let's not go down that road!!!)

People who tell you that things will get easier mostly lie! It won't get easier! It's just that you will grow from the challenges thrust upon you. And they will become easier as you grow more aware of yourself and what your strengths and weaknesses are.

Don't give up on college right now! I struggled as well. I had semesters which didn't bring any measurable results too. Being young isn't easy. "Oh look! A squirrel!" Just kidding! But see what I'm talking about?

Maybe call it quits on this semester, see a few counselors, do some online research, maybe do a job or an internship of some kind, and come back fresh when the next one starts. You've got the smarts to do it! I would be sad to see you stuck behind a counter at Wal-Mart for the rest of your life.

davedave1111 > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:24

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I meant to add to my other post, but forgot: you might want to have a read of this lot:

http://wattsupwiththat.com/category/willi…

No comment on his scientific views, but it might give you some ideas about how else one can live a good life than the conventional route.

And definitely read this: http://wattsupwiththat.com/2011/02/28/its…

You can ignore the blather at the start if you like, but read starting from "I went to a two-room country grade school."

KB Garage > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 11/21/2013 at 18:26

0

Soloburrito > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:32

2

I'm 27 and have been through pretty much what you're going through. I dropped out half-way toward a CS degree. I'm smart, but lazy. I got shit grades because I blew off assignments and studying. I stayed up late playing video games. I would have borderline panic attacks thinking about how I'm going to confront my parents about my school failures.

After dropping out, I worked in a warehouse for a couple of years just making enough to live off of. Then I got a desktop IT job and broke through into my chosen profession by way of software qa. Now I've got a couple years of experience under my belt and I'm pretty secure career-wise.

I feel I'm pretty lucky to be where I'm at, but at the same time I massively regret dropping out. I lost contact with friends. I had a 5-figure debt with nothing to show for it. I also feel like I could be much further ahead in my career if I had stuck with school.

Looking back, I wish I could have just sucked it up and got my shit done. I don't know if I can offer you any real advice since I don't know you or your situation, but just sit down and think long and hard about both situations.

Sure, dropping out seems like the easy thing to do right now, but the job market isn't any easier. Making ends meet isn't any easier. Say you want to go back to school later, it won't be any easier.

I don't mean to make things sound hopeless, but just saying, the early years are tough either way you slice it so you might as well stick with the path that will give you something to show for it in the end.

bhardoin > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:35

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Well, I'm 21 and in a similar spot. I've been sticking with an engineering degree for a few years now, and I'm about to call it quits after hating it for a while. All I can tell you is to take a break now, school only gets harder as you get closer to graduating. If you're gonna try to stick it out, realize the implications.

Less useful sidenote: dudes in porn don't get paid that much. And you have to be very... qualified... to get into any of em. So take that off the table.

Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:38

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I'm going down the same route with my automotive technician course, I love cars, but I'm too deep into depression and anger to care about anything right now. My parents currently are just calling me immature, and won't let me practice my independence.

I often feel that certain courses waste more time than teaching you proper knowledge, and this is part of the problem. For me, it's a course called "College Success", which is anything but. The material in this course seems a lot like kindergarten-grade stuff.

I often wish I can go out for a drive by myself and let off some steam, I have to put up with overcrowded city buses and the smell of someone's lost lunch, and I'm fearing another one of these will happen. My mother takes offence to every car suggestion I give and she refuses to help me towards it, because either she says "it's too old, and will cause too many problems" or "it's too fast", or "it's too expensive to insure". She wants me to get a Smart ForTwo (since I applied to a Mercedes-Benz dealer a month ago), while my father wants me to get a rusty old Hyundai with a bad engine and transmission, but now he's leaning more towards the Smart as well now, because he found a diesel one for sale, and he's obsessed with diesels, specifically, manual diesels. I could as well die in a crash with my mother's suggested Smart, I felt terrified in my Godfather's little red Yaris.

Your boy, BJR > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:39

1

Also, as weird as it sounds, talk to you doctor about prozac. Shit changed my life. I was a suicidal shut-in before, now I've started my own company, I'm doing alright in school, I'm making dolls dolla bills, going out all the time, bedding beautiful ladies, yadda yadda, yadda, all because of some pills.

Your boy, BJR > Your boy, BJR 11/21/2013 at 18:43

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Plus, I just enjoy life, living, I have days where I'll go out to the orchards in my area, just to take in how beautiful everything is.

Aaron James > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:49

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Just a quick note on the porn thing, Unless you are super hot, ripped, very well endowed AND you know someone high up in the industry, You'll be stuck making gay porn with no condoms for 50-100 bucks a scene. It's very difficult and rare to get to the level of someone like James Deen. I don't know anyone gay, straight or otherwise that wants to have unprotected sex with 10-20 guys a week in order to just barely get by. If there is anyway to finish school I highly recommend it. It's really hard to get a job in this economy and even harder without a college degree. I wish you nothing but the best but it's tough out there in the real world.

Anon > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 18:52

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Dude I went through something very similar when I first started college I did horrible, I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't have any scholarships so my parents were paying for everything. I was an engineering major who didn't know math. I was depressed and even contemplated suicide for a while. It felt like I had nothing to live for and that I was worthless (By the way Oppo, thanks for helping me get through that shit.)

However then one day I had an epiphany, I wanted to help people. My entire life I had been scared of being a "bean counter" in a cubicle farm, that nothing that I did would ever help anyone. I didn't want to be like my Mom and Dad who spent all day at work just to make money. I wanted to make this world a bit less shittier. It was soon after that when I decided that I wanted to teach overseas once I graduated. Now I've faltered a bit here and there even considering dropping teaching in favor of making money but I decided against every time. Anyways after I had my epiphany I stopped slacking and decided that changing the world starts somewhere, which at the current moment was raising up my GPA so that I could change the world. Since then I've gone from a 2.0 to a 2.70.

The point I guess that I'm trying to get across is that being interested in something isn't why you should go to college for it. You should do what you feel in your heart, not your wallet, will give you the ability to look back on your life 60 years from now and be proud of the way you spent your life. If you feel with all your heart that you want to do something that doesn't involve college then I'm right behind you. Hell if you want to do porn with all your heart then there's nothing wrong with that! Go out there and be the next big thing! However if you do want to do something that involves college and you are just dropping out because you don't want to put in the work then you will never be happy with yourself! You'll always be haunted by the "could ofs" and "should ofs" in life. College is tough shit, don't get me wrong but it's far from the last time that that this life is going to lay a smack down on you! You seem like a smart dude and I know that you can do it.

I'm telling you this not as some random person on the internet but as James Alexander Wray III! If you ever need anything that I can possibly do to help, you have my E-mail, I don't care if you just want to talk or have me proofread some shit, I'm here for you dude.

505Turbeaux > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 19:19

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ah the curse of intelligence vs schooling for the masses. I was right there with you. Go explore life, eventually you will find what you want to do and are good at. Fuck it, do porn, take the shittiest jobs ever, camp out in your car...it will shape you into whatever you are meant to become. Trust me, I have been there and I wouldn't change a god damned thing. School is meant for the average joe to look and act like he/she is intelligent and has some drive. You know who I hire these days? People that have had all kinds of life experience. Not Joe College. Own that struggle and don't let it take you down too dark a path.

505Turbeaux > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 11/21/2013 at 19:26

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fellow old guy, totally made almost the same comment. Truth right here

Dr.d > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 19:42

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im kinda the opposite of you. i was never pushed to go to college. i spent the last 10 years working my ass of only to recently start seeing people the same age or even younger than me start to surpass me all thanks to their degree's. i started taking classes a few semesters ago but its pretty hard supporting yourself and squeezing in classes after work and trying to find time to study while taking care of all the other things grown ups have to do. you dont have a lot to reflect on at this point being so young but you need to take school seriously and just push through. itll be over befor you know it. do all the reflecting you can on break and maybe travel a bit if you can swing it. life is what you make it. enjoy this part, soon the responsibilities come and life starts to kick your ass. hope this helps

Rainbow > Your boy, BJR 11/21/2013 at 20:21

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Already taking it. It helps a bunch, but obviously not enough, and apparently I'm already taking the highest safe dosage.

area man > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 20:23

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I'm not sure it helps to have all of us being like "It gets better, trust me!" (or maybe it does, in which case, it gets better, trust me!) since we're all just faceless voices and you're the one living it, but I can tell you with 100% certainty that not knowing what you want to do at age 19 is NOT the end of the world. In fact, I'd bet more than half the people that age just say any random thing, no matter how confident they sound, in response to that question because no one in college wants to admit that they don't know. I certainly didn't know, even though I told lots of people I wanted to be a "journalist," and hell, I still don't know! Five years later I'm lucky enough to have a stable, full-time job in a related field and I'm kind of just killing time until I figure it out. It's a stressful job and the hours could be better, but it's nice security. This is not a bad way to spend your twenties. Halfway through and I'm not much closer to figuring it out, but I'm not worried.

So if you do stick college out, I'd spend a summer (or a semester off) thinking LONG AND HARD about what kind of job you could tolerate while doing said figuring. Stick with a science-tech-useful major. Don't do porn. What about a receptionist-type job at an engineering firm? That way you get your foot in the door to your supposed dream field without fully committing - the pay won't be that great, but the hours will be! I get very jealous when our receptionist leaves every day promptly at 5. Even in a job like that there's room for upward growth if you're not a complete moron. You may fall in love with engineering all over again and feel motivated enough to get a more advanced degree, which could unlock all sorts of doors

And on the other hand, college may not be the answer for you! My older brother lasted two years at college before he realized he wasn't getting anything out of it. The whole classroom experience just wasn't for him, so he dropped out, moved out West, and now spends his summers as a whitewater rafting guide and winters as a ski patrol person. He probably works twice as hard for half as much money as he'd be making with some rando office job right out of college, but he's so much happier than he'd ever be if he stayed. It just isn't the path for everyone, especially now that debt is such a huge concern. So absolutely take a long-term break if you think it's what you need. Of course, a college degree is still an invaluable thing unless you want to get a trade (which, look into that, man! Housing market is going to explode soon), so don't put it off forever. But speaking as someone who used to think money WAS everything, it's not. It's pretty great, but it's not everything. Being happy is far more important, and it sort of seems like college (at least right now) is not necessarily the place for you to attain that.

George McNally > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 11/21/2013 at 20:49

1

Listen to this guy...our 20 year old son was going down the same path. He quit college (with our blessing) and is taking a year off to explore his options. In the year he has been off so far, he has gotten his EMT certification-he is going to pick up some shifts while he goes back to school to earn some money. Your 19......you have plenty of time to figure out what you want to do.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 11/21/2013 at 21:18

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Semi-old dude here chiming in: I went to a school in a place I hated with people I hated because they gave me a good scholarship. Oddly enough I hated it! I hated it so much I got pretty much where you are and when I was talking to the counselor she said "you don't seem to like it here, why don't you leave?" and the light bulb above my head made that cartoon "ding!" noise and I did.

I left with a 1.2 GPA after my third semester, moved back home, got a job that kinda sucked, took a bunch of night classes at the local community college, earned some moneies, bought an Alfa Romeo, got my GPA back up, went to a state college in the middle of nowhere, got a degree my Dad still thinks is a joke (art) and now I make enough money doing a job thats marginally related to my degree to eat out any time I want, afford a decent apartment, buy a new Fiesta ST and be pretty damn happy with shit over all.

If it's what you have to do, it's what you have to do.

MountainCommand > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 21:57

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Let me tell you, you are not alone in this. Your story hits home with me. (you can read my novel, or just hit the recommend button so at least i think you actually read it ;-) no hard feelings in that )

Im 21. Im currently in college and will have an associated degree in a few months. I still have not a clue what i want to do. Im taking these classes for 2 reason, because i generally like learning and because ive fallen victim to the "everyone has to go to college" agenda (push from my parents too.) Im often very confused with everything im doing. Why do i still work in a low paying retail job. Why am i taking classes for a degree in a field i have no desire? Why did i fall victim to college? And now, after writing just that, im really thinking.... crap. There has got to be some reason.

Ill be honest, i dont have the same sense of depression. My outlook is simple. Even though i have no clue, and my life is pretty meaningless. im alive. To me thats all that matters. One thing ive learned going through school and 2.5 years in college, is to be thankful for being here, and that you are still able to be cognitive. Yes, depression most certainly can be a biological issue. However, you have a powerful device tucked neatly behind your eyes. Your mind. Yah, that sounds cheesy, but honestly, keep thinking, and keep opening your eyes to more than just your world, and you will find your current life is so desirable to many others in this world.

We all go through stages. We all endure suffering in one respect or another. But think about this, your are young. only 19. you have plenty of time to figure something out. So dont rush it. Society (those around you) may pressure you into something too fast. Just look at actual graduation rates for colleges. Its kinda sad. But take that as a positive, because it shows truth. College is not for everyone. I could go for hours just about that, but ill keep it to a sentence. You gave college a try, have an open mind, and if you still didnt truly enjoy any aspect of it, try something else. The key is to TRY. you are not committed to anything.

Up until recently, my family and peers have been college pushy. finish finish finish. Im already a semester behind schedule. At fist, i was very upset. But looking over it, whats it matter? It doesnt. If 1 class a semester is all you can handle, try it! Change something in your life. If i could recommend you anything, take a psychology class. even though it had nothing to do with my major, i took it anyways. Or just do some reading here if you are bored. Its the "e-book" my professor is using for us right now.

http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/perscon…

Important thing about psychology is to never take one theory as an end all answer. No one thing solves everything. But by reading different theories, you will begin to understand yourself. Honest.

If you get this far, im preemptively apologizing is nothing above makes sense, and feel free to shun me and shout explicatives everytime i make a post.

Travel. Go somewhere. Save up some money and roadtrip, backpack, drive without any destination. Recently my dad has had some sort of enlightenment, and actually told me to take a semester off *GASP*! and go travel. He is a pilot, and on a weekly basis he might of hit 3 or 4 different continents. Sometimes hes gone for a day, and sometimes he can be gone for 2 months. For the longest time, he just kept pushing the college thing. His recent excursions to europe must of changed him. Because he wants me to travel. Backback to different countries. See another part of our world first hand. Unfortunately he cant pay for me to do that haha. So i have a choice to save for 2 years and just go. Dont look back, and just go. Wherever you go, you WILL learn something. To make this whole story more ironic, fast forward two months from when he sat down and had that conversation with me, my neighbor comes into work. Im telling her im just about done with my AS degree, and i still have no clue about anything. Without any pause, she said "travel! go somewhere. Take a year off and just go". I paused. Slightlylshocked by what i just heard. This must be some hidden wisdom here. My dad and her are both around 50. And i suppose they are looking back and have regretted not doing that when they had the chance. It might seem crazy to us at our age (AND IT DOES!), but obviously they are on to something. Both of them said its important to get someone to come along with you to share the experience, and then thats where the only sense of depression i have kicks in.

It sucks being single. I hate to drop a bomb here, but this is the only depressive area in my mind at the moment. Honestly, when i think about it, i feel like im hit. As radical as an idea this may be, money, education, etc, cant come close to this longing i have for a girl (hold on, let me finish). Someone to share life, experiences, stories, anything and everything with. Simply to waste time together. In a way, this is my underlying drive to push me through work, to push me through school, in hopes that one day ill find that person. Of course i have my family, and the like, but its just not the same. It could never be the same. And now ive gotten rather sad writing that, but hopefully by sharing that, you realize we all have pains in one form or another. But we live on. I keep pushing. I have no fucking clue which direction im pushing, but im pushing. Because id rather be doing anything, than nothing.

If that made any micron of sense to you then im happy.

Take a chance. Break free from your daily routine. Even if it by taking a different road to school. Start small, take tiny steps. It might be uncomfortable or scary, but if you never try, you will never find any answer.

Dont become brainwashed by society. College. Money. Careers. Throw all that out the window and find something you like.

I like cars, music, and photography. And im a criminal justice major.... WTF am i doing.

Im glad you talked about it. Honestly, its something i have trouble with. And its an important start to do that.

Sn210 > Rainbow 11/21/2013 at 23:33

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My two cents is this: stick with it! College wasn't fun for me either. I commuted, worked full time and worked really hard to maintain my relationship with my high school girlfriend. No crazy parties, no wild spring break trips, no experimenting with drugs. It all paid off. I have a good job now, we got married, and bought a house together. After college you get to build your own life.
If you need to get a job, try retail. There are a ton of seasonal jobs right now, and by working retail you'll see why you should finish school. (I worked as a dept. manager in school, now I make twice the money and I'm half as stressed).
Youre on Oppo, so I'm going to assume you might kind of like cars? What about an auto related job? There's selling, detailing, repairing, lots of options.
You like abandoned buildings, what about them do you like? Demolition? Photography?
Get some land (and proper permits) and start a scrap yard: Abandoned cars! Best of both worlds.
I wouldn't take time off from school, because there's a good chance you won't go back. Try taking a half load of courses and then make up the time with summer courses. Lots of people don't know what they want to be when they grow up, you don't have to figure it out just yet. Keep earning those credits, focus on completing your core classes. Put your time in and get that piece of paper. I'm almost 26 and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do at all. Right now I'm supporting my wife, we're planning the future, and I'm saving for a garage so I can buy a weekend car!
Good luck!